A Visit to the Doctor
Today I went for my annual physical. The doctor earnestly said to me,
“OK, we`ve taken your urine, your fecies and your blood.”
“And next you`ll take my money!” I quipped. He laughed and laughed, and said he had never heard that one before. (He won`t again until next year when I have to go back!)
A Note from the Dean
“Kevin, running your class like a TV shopping infomercial is not in the curriculum; and saying “it slices it dices,” is not practical English for first year liberal arts. Just stick to the textbook please.
VISITING JAPAN? NEED A CHEAP PLACE TO STAY IN A BEAUTIFUL AREA?
Got a note from the Dean: Kevin this term during the oral English testing, we would appreciate it, if you would stop asking students:
“Is that your final answer? Do you want to phone a friend?” Plus
you cannot offer them 1 million dollars for a correct answer, or my car for an incorrect answer.
Kids at Play! Dedicated to Selinda.
Absent David Bowie, is almost as good as the real thing!
Don`t believe it?, just ask the organizers of the Brit Awards:
Brit Awards: absent David Bowie steals show
“David Bowie stole the show at Wednesday’s Brit music awards without even showing up, while Arctic Monkeys took home two big trophies at British music’s leading prize night. The 67-year-old Bowie, who is enjoying a renaissance with his first album in a decade, “The Next Day,” was named British male artist of the year.”
It isn`t often that someone is better in concert when they don`t even show up and play. But just like the Red Hot Chili Peppers at the 48th Super Bowl, sometimes bands are better when the music is piped in.
This concert series takes it a step further than Milli Vanilli or the Peppers, as Bowie doesn`t even show up! He doesn`t mime playing, he`s not even there!
“The experience is amazing! Just seeing that mic stand and imagining Bowie singing and dancing on stage is eye opening!”
–a concert goer in Toronto
From the same people who brought you Elvis Presley`s Shirt in Concert! Comes a new Concert Series!
Absent David Bowie`s Worldwide Concert Tour!
“I do a lot of meditating, and with the sound coming through the sound system and the dancers on stage, and the mannequin who looked suprisingly like David Bowie, I could almost imagine him being there!”
Paul Kariya is Back and Ready to Party with the Americans!
Coach Babcock desperate for a good player after John Tavares is cut down, contacts Paul Kariya at his accounting office.
“Paul we need ya man! We score as often as a junior high school boy, and cause offense just as often, and John Tavares is out!”
“I`m out of hockey Mike, you know that. I do taxes now. Speaking of that, tax time is coming up, you got an accountant?
You know they save you money.”
“Paul I`m sure you`re right, but now we`re talking hockey.
I`ll break this to you gently,…. Suter`s playing.”
“S S S Suter!? The guy who took me out!!!! I`ll get that guy!”
“Well, er, ya see, not exactly him, umh er, how about them Detroit Red Wings lately.”
“Mu ha ha ha ha! I`ll play! I`ll play, just let me get my gear on! Are wooden sticks still OK?”
The Karmanator is back and better than ever! He is ready to don the red and white for team Canada and ready to seek revenge.
Gary Suter cut down Paul Kariya before Nagano, but now his son must pay!!!!!! Ryan Suter, don`t spend any time watching your beautiful passes. we gotta Kariya in the Bolshoi! And we ain`t talkin` No Ballet!
Paul Kariya has been wheeled into the stadium to take on Suter and the Americans! (Canada just be glad Babcock contacted the right Kariya. This time, he actually made the right choice. He could have contacted Steve! Arghhh!)
Letters to Terry
Dear Terry Allen, just this morning, I was shoveling snow, when a Japanese man of about 80, stopped his car and motioned me over to ask a question. “Fukabori kono chikaku ne sundeimasuka?” -was his question. Which means: Does Fukabori live around here? But being a Tsawwassen guy of course, I thought he was mouthing me off, and I only caught:
“Fuka-bori!” So I thought the 80 year old was trying to pick a fight with me! “Fuka-bori to you too buddy! And your mother too!!!” I wanted to say, but resisted the urge considering the guy`s age and the fact I mean, his mother was probably long gone! Sorry to say. He was an old coger! “The war`s over!” Was another one I thought of. Instead I referred him to my lovely natto eating wife Ikumi, and she promptly directed him to the fish store across the street. Terry if you have never lived across a narrow street from a fish store for 16 years, I`ll tell ya, the aroma is very interesting! It becomes that much more of a challenge to make friends as the smell permeates your clothes. But I have a lot of friends who enjoy sushi, so that is a definite plus! Terry if your wife doesn`t eat natto, you are missing something buddy! Natto is fermented; or I like to think, practically rotten soy beans.
They make a kind of long stinky string as you eat them. I think it could double as an industrial strength glue for airplane parts It makes for a romance made in Odawara, I`ll tell ya man. Take care! Sorry you lost your hockey team again! Maybe someone can scrounge up another hockey team for Atlanta. Or maybe it could be one of them Kickstarter projects. It`s always a thought! Your buddy in Nippon, Kevin R Burns
Damn! wish I could luge! I lay down on a carpet and went down the stairs. Pretty bumpy! And no Gold medal at the end of it! Wasn`t even cold! But I sure looked cool in my black and gold crash helmet!!!
I have to do some hard caulking, pardon the expression. For my American friends, “hard caulking,” is a Canadian term, really it is eh. I wouldn`t lie to you. I gotta redo the bathroom. It is amazing what can happen to a house after 16 years. There are things growing that I think scientists would get excited about, “My God, it`s a whole new species!!!!”