I was one pinky spasm away from downward facing full pretzel, when the doorbell rang causing it all to unravel.
THEY delivered my package before I had ordered it! Mark Zuckerberg, where do you get those wonderful haircuts?
Yoga-I can get into the half pretzel, but I’ve yet to get into the full pretzel, sober. Full pretzels require me to be laying at the bottom of the stairs.
Why not give your friend something unique? – something they may or may not remember you by. Except perhaps by deja vu. Yes give the people you love the gift that keeps on giving:
I was at the store,
I searched for enlightenment,
but I found cold beer.
Santa Claus is the latest public figure to be felled by sexual misconduct allegations, with NPB ((North Pole Broadcasting) halting his show Monday following a Washington Post report with the accusations of eight women, two reindeer and an elf.
Photo: Santa pictured here with his balls
The women, reindeer and the elf, who all worked for Claus or tried to work for him, accused the veteran gift giver of groping them, walking naked in front of them and telling one that he dreamed about her swimming nude (presumably on a tropical island not Baffin Island).
Pictured: This accuser was willing to come forward
Claus, 75, said in a statement that he was “deeply embarrassed” and apologized for his behaviour.
“NPB was shocked to learn today of these deeply disturbing allegations,” the public broadcasting service of the Pole said in a statement. “We are immediately suspending distribution of ‘Santa and Friends.'”
Now the prospect looms of the possibility of no Christmas!
Further, lawyers for Claus, have argued, “what happened to the presumption of innocence until proven guilty?”
In a plea bargain agreement, Claus offered to go eco, and give children solar panels instead of coal, but the prosecution rejected this.
“It feels like celebrities are being tried by the Press. They are being suspended or dismissed before they even stand trial.” – Santa’s lawyers argued.
OJ Simpson, in the Bahamas, still looking for the killer, Said he is, “pulling for Claus.”
By Kevin Burns
I hate it when I’m on the way to work, and I’m reading a great book, and I just get to the really good sexy part, and I remember my car isn’t a self driving car! If you don’t like the way I drive, get out of the kiddie pool!!!
“How am I driving today? 1-800-8767-78fu”